The need to forget

I wonder where you are, now that you are away from me. I cannot seem to forget you, even though I want to, memories on repeat tumble through my head.

I think about your new life, the one that no longer has a place for me in it and I imagine you packing up to move, laughing with her about the letters I wrote and the cards I sent before you toss them in the trash, a removal of your final reminder perhaps. Erasing me completely.

I miss you. I wish I didn’t, but the thoughts that remain rip my heart apart and my eyes fill with tears.

I hate myself because I was foolish, because I feel stupid and because I fell in love when I knew I should not have.

I hate you because you were weak and felt that lies were better than the truth. They were not, sure the truth hurts, but not like this pain I feel now, this emptiness, this loss and the feeling that even though I always am and always will be myself, that it will never be enough. I will never be enough.

I need an ending, but all I have are painful reminders.

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